Life as we know it

We’ve been parents for 15 weeks now – such a steep learning curve, such an all-consuming time which is constantly changing and evolving, and so much joy in one tiny, gummy smile.

We can happily say that we will never again go through the first 6 weeks, 8 weeks or 12 weeks of being first-time parents again. Already I have a list of things that I will do differently with bub number two in hope of a better outcome (with the breastfeeding, not the baby!)

The first few weeks a kind of a blur now. I remember feeling like every day was groundhog day and that I was living on the couch, feeding and nursing a baby, never again to set foot in the kitchen, let alone the rest of the house. In the first few weeks  of Zac being home I would remember how I used to always find the cats and give them a pat and cuddle whenever I came home; after Zac was born, arriving home was usually followed immediately by needing to change Zac, feed him or put him to sleep – not that I actually went out much; mostly I was shuffling between the nursery and the couch, with occasional visits to the toilet and shower. Patting the cats was a thing of the past and, as they stayed in the rooms where Zac and I were not, whole days would pass where I did not see them, let alone give them any attention. Zac is still attention-intensive, but I do find time during the day to find and pat the cats. They also find time in the mornings to come and snuggle with me (and sometimes Zac) in bed, conveniently ignoring this small creature of which they do not approve.

Issues with breast feeding, and learning to deal with ongoing sleep deprivation were the predominant features of the first month. Zac started smiling at me somewhere around the four week mark – well-timed on his part, especially as he chose the 4am feeds as the time to start; the time when I most needed the inspiration and assurance that things would not be this way forever, that Zac would eventually respond to all this care and attention.

By the sixth week, we reached the turning point and things really did start to become easier. Along with Zac smiling more, there were two specific points from which things started to improve. At that stage, feeding Zac involved breast feeding,  feeding him expressed breast milk from a bottle, formula top-up (as I was not producing enough breast milk) and then expressing more milk for the next feed. I was also expressing milk between feeds, so I was pretty much tied to home and stressing trying to encourage a decent milk supply. It also meant that at the time where Zac was awake and responsive between feeding and sleeping again, I was busy getting food for his next meal rather than focusing on him. One day in the fifth week though, I elected to skip the expressing and instead took Zac to the park. It was a beautiful autumn day. We lay on the grass, I took photos of him and of us together, he smiled at me and for the first time I truly looked at him beyond the feeding/changing/things-I-must-do-to-keep-him-alive filter. I spent time with him, rather than time doing what I must and came home feeling more connected with Zac, more excited about life and more relaxed.

5 weeks - turning point. See, he's even smiling for the photo!!!

The second pivotal change was Rafe coming home one day, cooking dinner then sending me to bed and taking over the late night feed so that I could get a decent block of sleep. At first I thought if we did that just three nights a week that would be enough to help me keep my head above the swamp of sleep deprivation, whilst still getting some evenings together, and some evenings where Rafe could relax. However it soon changed to become the routine for every night; I loved the sleep so much, Rafe loved a happier me (time spent together is much nicer when I wasn’t in tears from exhaustion!!!) and Zac benefited too. Rafe said he could tell when I was beyond tired because I would stop cooing at Zac and just not interact with him. I can still remember vividly that feeling of being too tired to care and so desperate for sleep and boy, it was not nice.

Gradually Zac dropped one night feed, then two and started sleeping more. When we started this routine, I was going to bed somewhere around 6:30 or 7pm, and would be up to feed Zac around 1 and 4am. As the 1am feed vanished, my bedtime extended by an hour and now I stay up as late as 8:30 or 9, although at this time 9 is still pushing the limit. Zac still gets the bulk of his deep sleep before 1 or 2 am, meaning that is the best time for me to sleep too. He starts waking periodically in the early, early morning and until recently would not sleep much after the 3/4am feed. Once he actually sleeps between 4 and 7am, I will be able to reclaim my full evenings! In the meantime, I’ve started popping him in bed with me around 5 or 6am so that I can doze whilst patting him/giving him his dummy/holding his hands and that way get a little more sleep before he decides that it is time for us to be up properly. As much as I want the undisturbed sleep, I quite enjoy our morning “snuggles” together – as do Jai and Shakti who regularly join us now.That said, this past week there have been four mornings where he has slept after the 3/4am feed and not woken me until after 7am – I have felt high on sleep!!!