What’s going on

I already had the start of this post in my head as our morning staff meeting began. There was no sign of the second year teachers. None of them. Immediately we all wondered what was happening in the second year building (the second year teachers have their own staffroom, the main staffroom which I am in is for first and third year teachers). The VP calls the other staffroom, but apparently it was nothing special. Probably just standard ticking off of students…I guess. *shrug*

The first year teachers had a long meeting this morning, a few of the choice players’ names being bandied about, in particular Doi-kun and Sonobe. Doi-kun is the first year version of Yutaro, only bigger and scarier. I couldn’t hear, nor understand what a lot of the discussion was about but I did hear discussion centering around which teachers were free first period, and when Tomo was asked to accompany the homeroom teacher of Doi-kun, I suspected that at least one student was about to be dealt with, for some misdemeanor. Tomo is one of the teachers who gets called upon to do this often because he is so good at it. He’s very good at reasoning with students, can get tough when he needs to be but doesn’t require it to make himself listened to.

Doi-kun and Sonobe were brought in seperately. I wasn’t paying too much attention – they’re often in the staffroom getting lectured. Doi-kun being thrown down on the ground and wrestled by four teachers however, got my attention. They were trying to find out something, and get him agree to behave when they let him up. I didn’t know what they were talking about. Part of their method for this ‘discussion’ was to hit Doi-kun’s head on the ground. I know, I know, I know these are tough students and tough measures are called for, but watching this just made me sick. I cannot get past the fact that I don’t believe anyone should be treated that way, no matter what they’ve done.

When Doi-kun had finally acquised to behave they slowly let him up, at which point he kicked the nearest chair right into the principal. I shall note here that my desk and where I was sitting was directly behind where the principal was standing at that time. I moved my chair back another desk, and Doi-kun ended up on the ground again so damn fast.

He was kicking desks, lashing out at the five teachers now trying to control him (have I mentioned he’s a big boy…taller than me now and and ider too).

I decided to clear out away from my desk altogether. It was far too close for my comfort. I stood at the other end of the staffroom and tried to work out what was happening to Sonobe, who was talking to a teacher who was taking notes. They discovered a bag full of shoplifted bracelets and were trying to determine who had stolen them. Sonobe claimed one and said the rest were Doi’s. Doi took a break from threatening to murder the teachers to yell that Sonobe was lying.

The next 15 min went on pretty much the same way, but with Doi getting more violent and the teachers starting to get too tired to hold him down properly. He managed to get on a chair and start punching out at the books on the desk. Two of the teachers watching took the very wise precaution of removing the kettles from our kerosene stoves and turning off the stoves. At another point he stood, shaking off the teachers and when they latched on again he kicked his shoe in the air, making it hit the ceiling and come down hard in their midst.

I stayed well away from my desk, eventually going to stand by the door. Doi made a couple of breaks for it. While I wasn’t keen to delve into the foray, damned if I would’ve just watched him get away without trying to help. Luckily, the other teachers kept him well enough away from the door that my aid was unnecessary.

Ms Ohashi came back from her homeroom and gathered her stuff for Englih class. She found me outside – I had had enough and the only reason I was sticking around at all was that I thought I had class with her. I walked out at the point where I saw the principal punch Doi-kun on his head.

I walked with Ms Ohashi a ways and she suggested I go and sit in the school office instead and stay away from the staffroom for a while. She then told me we didn’t have class together. So I went back, packed my bag, told Tomo I’d be back to teach with him in third period and left.

When I left, my intention was to only go in for classes from now on. However, talking to nikkicat13 (thank, thank heaven for friends not at work with mobile phones right then!!!) made me realise what a complete mess I was. Possibly the inability to string three words together in between blubbing gave it away to me.

Following her advice, I am using this as a chance to get down all that happened before my mind starts blocking it, and to give me a basis to review and write a more sane and less emotional letter to my supervisor, which I intend to take to him today.

12:10pm Had to save this unfinished to go back and teach my last class there. I told Tomo I was leaving and not coming back, and he totally supported me. I am so grateful for his support. This is so extremely hard for me to do. There’s only ever been one other workplace I have left on such a bad note and in such horrible state.

He talked with me after class while I packed my things and asked what I was going to do. I told him I’ll talk to my supervisor today, and see if he can get me into Kada JHS three days early. That way at least I’m not completely shirking my duties and I’ve no doubt Kada would be delighted to get me for extra time. He said it was so hard. He really wants to teach with me but he doesn’t want for me to have to be at Kinokawa. He agrees with me leaving and said he thinks a lot of teachers want to quit there.

Ms Ohashi was less happy about it. She begged me to stay and finish the next three days. If I didn’t already have Tomo’s support I may well have. I feel really crappy about the students who do actually look forward to my classes and will miss out. It always been for those students that I go back and make myself teach there. She also said said that it helps her to cope with each day having me there, and knowing that there’s someone else who finds it as hard but is sticking with it – not is so many words but that was the gist. I apologised and told her I just couldn’t stay. She already knows how stressed I feel everyday just going to work there. Once she accepted that I couldn’t be talked around, then she was okay and said she’d call me. it never really occured to me that she might find me as big an ally and support there as i do her and Tomo.

Neither the principal nor VP were around for me to talk to/say good bye to. So Tomo said he’d talk to them and call me later. I may have to go back to aoplogise and say goodbye officially. I don’t know.

Tomo also said he will call my supervisor too because he doesn’t think I should work in such an unsafe environment.

Now I must write an official letter, and go see my supervisor.

I always thought that I would leave Kinokawa relieved and overjoyed to see the last of it, but with the knowledge that I had stuck it out and done my best and done the right thing by all the non-troubled students and staff. But I just feel guilty and ashamed and scared they’re going to do a hardline on convincing me to go back. The worse they can do totally is fire me. And that will be royally shitty and throw up all my plans. But, it won’t be the end of the world. So I just gotta stay strong and ride it out and see just how far the shit will spread from this particular fan.