I have placed my trust too easily and readily in the past. I am always too willing to look at the positive sides of people and believe that they would behave in ways and uphold values which I do. This is incredibly unrealistic and naive, especially when it comes to how people will treat things belonging to me, including my name.
I am trying to be more circumspect, both in choosing who I trust, and what I will entrust to others. I’ve made mistakes in the past, mostly just detrimental to myself on a personal level. I hope that this current mistake which I’m clearing up will be the final case. Indeed, whilst there are things which I’ve thought “well, I know never to do that again”, the likelihood of the again happening is pretty minuscule. I think it’s more about me learning to be considered, and to do things which I may think are harsh at the time, but that I know will protect me and mine.
Learning to be strong, and to be protective of myself, my time and my values, is a difficult path for me to adhere to. It is so ingrained in me to consider other people’s needs and wants and put them before mine that it feels like I’m being very harsh when I choose something purely on the basis of how it will affect me, especially if I perceive it as affecting others in a not as positive way as it could if I chose differently. So often I will do or offer something because there’s no good reason not to – like I, myself just aren’t a good enough reason.
But if I’d learnt to be “harsh” and protective four years ago, I could have saved a lot of trouble; before leaving Melbourne, during my trips back and even now, when I’m still trying to tie up the messes.
Incidently, and in case anyone is wondering, this post isn’t directed to any one, it is more just a case of musing out loud things which have been sitting in my head for the better part of a year. I have been reminded again and again that I placed trust where it shouldn’t have been and the fact that this latest issue with the phone not only affects me personally but affects my credit rating is making me realise just how important it is to protect myself and not to trust so easily.
Time to wake up, smell the coffee and keep in mind that as long as there are people in this world trusting enough to be screwed over, there will be people around who are only too happy to do so.
I am not going to be either of these people.
Fortunately I have a zen_cat around, who not only inspires more self-confidence in me, but is also showing me that it is possible to be strong and protective of yourself and your values whilst still being a genuinely nice, sweet person. Learning to be strong doesn’t have to equal losing the nice!
I’m too trusting as well. I figure it beats the alternative, though.
Now, cheer yourself up and go look at the “bird bath” video I just posted. 🙂
Trust is a funny one. Most of the time it takes me along time to let anybody into the “people I trust” list. While this has let avoid quite a few troubles over the years it has also meant that I have missed out on a few good things in my life.
But just lately I find my self giving my trust (and maybe my hart) to someone after only a few meetings.
To sum up: Trust good but Cynicism necessary.
I trust you and I hope you trust me. 😉
It would take years, and lots of work, for you to lose the nice. You’re just so sweet naturally 🙂
See, I always thought the alternative was to be cynical, or just not as nice. Now I’m starting realise that it is possible to still be nice *and* careful of who you trust and what you trust to people.
This is a good thing to know, I just have to remind myself of it.
Oh and the bird bath is so cute. Who knew birds could shower!
*hugs* Always look after number one babe. It sucks sometimes, but it’s really the best plan.
Prudence and caution aren’t the same thing as cynicism, just like looking out for your own interests doesn’t preclude the well-being of others. I try to trust people until they give me reason not to, although sometimes all it takes is someone giving me a “vibe” or a “feeling.” And I’ve been wrong before, too. A few rare individuals have seemed shady or untrustworthy at first, but have later shown themselves to be otherwise. More often, though, I have occsionally gotten charmed by someone who seemed friendly and trustworthy enough but turned out to be a jackass.
It takes work to keep your heart soft in a world that so often throws hurtful things your way. Keeping up sympathy and honesty and a mostly open-book life is hard, and sometimes you get hurt because of it, but I personally don’t regret doing it. Every time I feel my caution and prudence growing into cynicism, I go back to one of my favorite quotes:
“People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway.” — Mother Teresa
Luvs and hugz to ya, babe. *kiss*
I’m totally untrustworthy 😛 and opportunistic – you should kick me a few times 🙂
My father constantly talks about how trusting he is and how many people have screwed him over… and in the end, I have to wonder how much of this is a “poor me” thing.
He doesn’t come across as “nice”. He’s an incredibly intelligent man, financially hugely successful. And yet he’s had business managers, friends, employees, you name it backstab him and steal from him and betray him.
There must be a balance, as you say. A place of adulthood and maturity where we assess realistically, where honesty earns trust, where repeated kindness earns respect.
It is not trust that is at fault. It is blind trust, trust for the sake of having said “trust is a virtue; I trusted and look how I was abused!” that is a problem.
If this sounds harsh in its turn, I don’t mean it to. I’m not saying you have cried wolf. I think I’m saying that as young people we trust blindly and see the good in it, that as we grow we learn either the hard way as you are now or through watching others’ hard lessons, and that you, unlike my father, are making these wise and hard steps to adulthood.
After all, repeating what we know does not work in the hope of a different outcome leads to insanity.