It is so nice seeing things as they are meant to be seen, and not jumbled all over my screen.
Today is a true Monday, I feel like I have a personal fog in my head, sent specially to blur my day for me. I feel like I’m moving through murky sludge, and don’t even try thinking. Frustrating. I had big plans for speech writing today. So far, I’ve done nothing…no, that’s not true; I’ve slept at my desk and aggravated my sore throat through talking over students. Unfortunately I have a class last period so can’t even go home early.
Really hope I’m just tired and not coming down with something. I can’t, not now, not a mere week before I am joined by two lovely friends. That would be bad, wrong and I could not think of enough curses to express my annoyance.
Summer is officially over – it is still hot and humid, and the beaches have been ‘closed’ since the start of September so why has it ended for me now? Bagus closed for the winter – last night was the final night of a three day festival. I went Friday night and had a ball. There were belly dancers there, and while I missed the show, I was around when they started jamming and dancing with some of the musos. Fantastic dancing, fantastic music. I so want to learn belly-dancing again. Nowhere here teaches though, I’d have to go to Osaka. Am thinking maybe I should get some dvds and cds and start there.
Last night I arrived in time for a jam session between a sitar player and another instrument player – it was a traditional instrument from somewhere in the world,someone called it a flute without holes, but it was played in the same way as clarinet. Haunting, beautiful sound.
After them, Haruka played. Don’t even know how to describe her music – it varied between rocky versions of traditional Japanese songs, and folk and something else again. She also switched between guitar, harmonica and ukele (i think that’s what it was). For the final song, most of the Bagus staff joined her on stage with their various instruments.
They had braziers with fires going, and candles set up in the rock face behind the stage. They were lit from the fire in Hiroshima which is always kept burning. The fires were kept burning all weekend.
Met some poi spinners from osaka – they were amazing. One guy was quite athletic with his spinning and the girl was so fluid with her spinning. I’d love to spin like her. It was magical.
I left earlyish, was tired and by 11:30 everyone was drunk or stoned or both. I met some nice people but I’m not usually comfortable being around people tripping or stoning – i guess it’s similar to being stone-cold sober with a bunch of people off their faces. Boring and mildly frustrating.
I left feeling a little melancholy. I thought I might make some nice friends there, but no, I’m just a ‘occasional bar friend’ – not quite fitting into the bar group, but not quite being just a customer either. Most times I’m okay with not quite fitting in; there are always so many groups which I’ll hang with but not quite fit into. And a part of that is because so many different people from different walks of life intrigue me, and a part is due to me traveling, and wanting to travel around so much. I’m not in one place long enough to become a true part of something. And I worry about going home, even briefly, or maybe especially briefly, because I’ve missed so much, and there’s so much in my life that no-one back home has shared. Ineveitably, I expect there will be some degree of no longer fitting.
But it’s my choice. I want to travel and not settle. And most of the time, I’m totally okay with it. Just every now and then, I get a little blah and want to be somewhere I fit in totally.
Must stop rambling. Must go try and clear head for class.
I miss Ophelia 🙁
a matter of perspective
don’t think of it as ‘not quite fitting in’; think of it as fitting in a little every where you go. wherever you go you find some sort of acceptance – even if it’s ‘occasional bar friend’ or patron who’s name the bar staff know. what is a true part – all of the parts make the whole.
it’s like human tetris – we turn ’round ’til we find our niche. 🙂
as for fitting in back here – you are part of every life you’ve touched, a part of all of us. how can you not fit.
and you’re about to have a couple of visitors just to prove it. 😉
*hugs* for you, darling melancholy one.
Re: a matter of perspective
Thank-you. I like your perspective much better. Consider it adopted 🙂 It is a much better way of thinking about things – I really was calling the glass half-empty, wasn’t I.
And thank-you for your perspective on me fitting back in when I get home. I really needed that. *grateful smile and hugs*
Am feeling much better now…the full moon has passed and is now waning…could that possibly have had anything to do with me feeling so out of sorts the other day, gee I wonder!